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I never dared to believe in it ...

This morning I was crying and crying.

Sitting outside on my porch.

Speaking to myself and realizing how I never believed that there was more out there.

I remembered how I was trying so damn hard to fit it.

In the way I dressed

or danced

or spoke about life.

And looking at the people around me,

I seemed ‘normal’.

I could participate in the conversations,

went to the same restaurants,

did not question life that much,

and living relationships the way it seemed to be ‘right’.

Puh I created stories in my head,

twisted the truth to fit more into society

and only much later realized how I twisted my soul by doing that.

It would have been so easy to continue life that way.

Because the truth was that I didn’t know what was on the other side.

I never dared to believe that there was more out there.

That there could be a life …

without toxicity in relationships

with deep love for myself and the people around me

with sex that could take me all the way to the stars.

I did not know.

I did not believe in it.

I realized that we don’t know what we don’t know.

So, today sitting in the sun with tears rolling down my face,

I told myself how proud I am for daring to jump into my very own life.

For trusting that there was more without being able to put words to it.

And I know that you know

that there is more for you out there.

And that you’re here for MORE.

Also if you cannot see or feel it,

believe me.

There is MORE of you out there.

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